Monday, January 21, 2013

Sleepy, Grumpy Mommy

I think when you become a parent you truly begin to realize the value of sleep. Oh, in college you get a taste of the sleepless nights. But you can always make up for it the next night, or that weekend, and it doesn't go on for weeks and months at a time. When I had Maddy (my first), I lost sleep for sure. But it wasn't too bad. The rule is "when they are sleeping, you should be sleeping." But that rule really only applies when you have one child, right? You can't just take a nap on the couch when you have other ones awake and playing. And the more kids you have, the more chances you have of being woken up at night.
Maddy is a pretty good sleeper now. She used to have night terrors until she was about 3 or 4, but now she is old enough that she doesn't get them and she doesn't really wake up at night. She just wakes up super early in the morning. And she has always been an early riser. But ever since she was about 3 or 4, she could come out of her room at 6 or 7 and turn on the tv and color. So that helped me get a little more sleep once I knew I could trust her to come out at a certain time.
Judah has always been a really good sleeper. He takes long naps and for the most part, has slept in. But lately he has been getting up early in the morning, and sometimes getting up at night since he is in a toddler bed and he can. We recently took away his pacifier, so that helps that he isn't waking me up to find it in his bed, which he did frequently.
Ruth is a pretty good sleeper. She has her different streaks, and they depend on teething, sickness, or if she is well and happy, she sleeps pretty good and wakes up one to two times at night to nurse, and takes one to two naps during the day, depending on when she wakes up. She actually sleeps until around 9 most days, so that is a nice time for me to have in the morning before she gets up.

I was having a hard time when Ruth was teething and sick and waking up in the middle of the night and staying up for awhile, sometimes 2 plus hours at a time. During that time, Judah would wake up and need put back to sleep. And then Judah or Ruth would wake up around 6 in the morning. I was so tired, that when Maddy and Judah were up that early, and Ruth was still sleeping, I would get them breakfast and put them in front of the TV with their little table and try to sleep on the couch. I was desperate for sleep. And grumpy. And didn't feel like starting my day that early. I didn't have enough energy to get everything done that I needed to. I felt like a failure as a mom because I have so much on my plate but I did not have the energy to accomplish stuff, especially stuff in the morning before school. I would just lay on the couch until 8 or 830 since Ruth was still sleeping, and it felt disgusting! Depression was starting to set in, and I couldn't handle my emotions or anything around me.
I do feel like I'm starting to come out of it. The kids have been sleeping better at night; I just have to plan on them getting up at or around 6. Which means I need to go to bed earlier. I am not good at this, but I have been so exhausted that it has been more motivating to go to bed earlier. I feel a little bit fresher, a little bit more alive, and a little bit more like I can handle my emotions. This is the start of a new week, and a new plan. I am cutting out sugar, wheat (as much as I can), sugary drinks, eating after 7, and will begin working out 6 days this week. I plan on being up in the morning with the kids and not sleeping on the couch. I don't want to go to bed late, and I need to get more done this week, including drinking more water, taking vitamins, eating healthier and getting out of my pajamas every morning and into normal clothes! I just had a big "binge" weekend of eating at different events, and I'm ready to shed those pounds, and choose things to help me feel better all around. I'm hoping that the extra water, healthy food, exercise, sleep, and good choices will help me feel better.
So, here's to a new week. Being a stay at home mom and a homeschooling mom at that, isn't always easy. There are good days and bad days. Days where you get a lot done and feel like you accomplished much. And then there are days when it seems like you are just trying to survive and make it to the end of the day with kids who are fed, dressed, and happy. It's all part of the process, and God is there with us through both kinds of days. Here's to a better week!

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